Succubus Shadows Chapter 24

Thisisnt possible, I said.I dont know, said Roman dryly. Looks pretty possible to me.But solidifyings an author. These kinds of cartridge holders dont c be approximately people like him.Hes so commonplace for you that you dont realize how famous he is. And, hey, if its a slow week, they probably take what they can get. Sex sells and thats pretty sexy.I looked down at it again. It was pretty sexy. Theyd taken it when Id been lying on top of Seth, and the sarong had slipped enough that I was showing an awful lot of skin. Nausea rolled by me.Maybe no hotshot will gain vigor this. Yet, even as the words left my lips, I knew that was wishful ideateing on my part. As Id notable before, this magazine was a favorite at the store, largely because of its protruderageously ridiculous articles. Someone, somewhere was howeverton to see this picture. And while the articles might be fabrications, a ikon like this which clearly showed our faces could hardly lie.I allow the magazine fall to the floor. I cantI cant deal with this. not after everything else.Roman frowned, legitimate head ache filling his features. I dont depend he was happy close either the picture or Seths new resolve, but it had to be obvious that more than these bits of news show were plaguing me.Georgina, what else is I held a hand up. Not now. Tomorrow. Well talk tomorrow. Too much alike much has happened tonight. Eriks lifeless eyeball flashed in my mind. It makes this seem like vigor.He hesitated, thus nodded. Okay. You want to set aside some time for tomorrow night? I dont mean a date. Just, I dont know. Get dinner, talk ab bring come out all this so it doesnt eat you up. I really am worried about you.I started to theorise he shouldnt worry, that Id be okay, but I approve off. I really didnt know if I was. Id like that, I said honestly. If my damage control doesnt conflict, then sure. Ill tell you all about it. I stood up wearily. But now bed.He let me retreat to my bedroom, h is heart in his eyes. It made me feel worse, largely because of what a low priority his feelings were for me right now. Obviously, they were all important(predicate) to him, and I appreciated his ardor. And his feelings did mean something to me. thither was something very sweet and comforting in his offer to breathe and just talk. But in light of everything else going on? I couldnt allow myself to process eitherthing too deep with our relationship right now.Particularly when I had to face the gauntlet at the bookstore the side by side(p) day. Id had a number of past times entering Emerald City where Id been met with curious and c everywheret looks. More often than not, it had been over something ridiculous, and Id had no clue until later. Today, I knew hardly what was going on. There was no question that the damned magazine had gotten around.And the looks this time werent inquisitive or smug. They were accusatory. Disdainful. I couldnt face them. Not up to now. I hurried by the store as quickly as I could, seeking my office which I vowed not to leave for the rest of my shift. It was pretty hypocritical, considering my judgment on Seth avoiding his problems. Only, I didnt shake up as much luck getting away from mine.Maddie was sitting at my desk.I hadnt seen her in a week, not since shed come to my condo. Id told her then she could defecate indefinite leave from work and hadnt expected to see her back anytime soon. Now she stopped me dead in my tracks.Her face was much calm downer than I would have expected. No, it was more than calm. It was still. Perfectly, eerily still. Like a sculpture. And when she looked up at me, it was like looking into the eyes of the dead. Cold. Emotionless. Nonetheless, I shut the door, fearing what was to come.I had a million theories, you know. Her verbalize was as flat as her expression. Never, ever did I consider this one. I mean, I wondered if at that place could have been another woman. But I neer suasion itd be yo u.It took an impossibly long time for my lips to move. Noit wasnt that. It wasnt like that at all. Thats not why he did it. I couldnt finish and suddenly questioned my words. Wasnt that by which I meant, me exactly the reason hed left her? Maybe our b separately interlude hadnt been the direct cause, but I had certainly been the catalyst.The magazine lay on my desk, open to the wicked page. She picked it up, studying it with a calculating look. So what then? You were just comforting him after the fact?Actuallywell, actually, yeah. That shot was taken afterward.It still sounded lame, and we both knew it. She threw the magazine down, and finally, the emotion came to her face. What, and that makes it okay? she cried. You one of my best friends running off with my fianc? the day after he dumps me?It wasnt like that, I repeated. I went to find himto see if he was okay.And then you made sure he was okay? she demanded. Her words were sarcastic, but tears glittered in her eyes.NoI didn t expect anything like that to happen. And really, nothing much did happen. The thing is I took a deep breath. We used to date. Before you guys were together. We never told anyone. Things endedwell, pretty much just before you started going out. Like, almost the day before.That caught her off guard. Her eyes went wide. What? You had a pastyou went out with my boyfriend and never told me? He never told me?We thought itd be easier.Easier? Easier? She pointed at the magazine again. You think seeing you guys back together in full color was easier?We arent back together, I said quickly. He didnt end things because he was cheating Again, I had to confine the truth to myself. He hadnt been cheating on her when he broke the engagement, but wed slept together earlier in the relationship. I was as surprised as you were. And I was worried. I told you, I went to find him, but we didnt sleep together. Then I left. Thats it.The tears were on her cheeks now. It wouldnt have mattered if you had slept together. You guys keeping that past from me you guys lying is worse. I trust you I trusted both of you How could you do this? What kind of person does this to their friend?A damned soul, I thought. But I didnt say that. I didnt say anything.Maddie shot up from the desk, futilely trying to wipe away the tears that were still coming. Doug warned me once, you know. He said there was this way you guys always looked at each other that made him wonder. I told him he was crazy. I told him he was imagining it that it was impossible. That you guys would never do that to me.Maddie, Im downcast She hurried to the door, pushing past me. Not as sorry as I am for putting my trust in you. For putting my trust in both of you. Im quitting. Right now. Dont expect to see me again. She jerked the door open. I dont know how you can live with yourself. You two deserve each otherThe door slammed loudly, rattling my ears. I stayed where I was, staring blankly at the desk, uneffective to move. Unable to think or react or do anything useful. I dont know how you can live with yourself. Me either.Boy, things are pretty screwed up for you.Carter materialized beside me, his angelic signature tune filling the room. Dressed as ratty as always except for his hat he strolled casually to the desk and picked up the magazine. Thats a not gravid(predicate) shot of you, though. shut down up, I said. The agony Id tried to keep locked up with Maddie began to burst out. Just shut up I cant handle your commentary right now, okay? Not with everything else. Certainly not with this I sank to the floor, leaning against the door and raking my hands finished my hair. When I looked up at Carter, I expected one of his laconic smiles, but his face was all seriousness.I wasnt being sarcastic, he said. Things are screwed up.I suddenly wished I had a cigarette. Yes. They certainly are. Eriks dead, you know.I know.I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself to feel the full grief over that. Wit h so much going on, it didnt seem like Id really allowed any of these problems to have the full mourn they deserved. Someone, I realized, would have to do the proper things for Erik now. Did he have family somewhere? Dante of all people might know. Otherwise, I was willing to take on any funeral arrangements no matter the cost or work. I owed Erik that much. I owed him so much more.It wasnt a coincidence, I said softly. It couldnt have been. Jerome says it was some revenge from the Onerois police captainbut I dont believe that. Erik had been trying to figure out my contract. Before he diedbefore he My voice caught as I recalled how I had been the one to take that last breath. He told me there were two contracts. That it wasnt mine that was the problem. I dont know what that means.Carter still said nothing, but his eyes were fixed so intently on me that they might as well have been pinning me to the wall. But you know, dont you? I asked him. Youve always known. And Simone I frowne d. Before Jerome sent her away, he mentioned something about her learned Niphon and fucking up things even more. Thats a piece of all this too, isnt it?Carter still remained silent. I gave a harsh laugh.But, of course, you cant say anything. You cant do anything. Hells always got its hands in mortal affairs or even lesser immortal affairs but you guys? Nothing. How can you be a force for good in this institution? You dont help bring it about You just wait and hope it happens on its own.Most of the good in this world happens without any of our help, he said evasively.Oh good idol. What a lovely answer from you. And you know what? I dont believe there is any good in this world. All this timeever since I sell my soul, Ive been clinging to this idea that there is something pure and decent out there. That there was something to give me hope that even if I was a lost cause, at least there was something bright and good in the world. But there isnt. If there was, Seth wouldnt have fall en. Erik wouldnt have died. Andrea Mortensen wouldnt be dying.Good can still exist when bad things happen, just as evil persists when good things happen.What good comes from Andrea dying? What good comes from leaving five little girls alone and motherless in the world? I was choking on my own sobs. If you if any of you could really affect the world, you wouldnt let that happen.I cant throw fate. Im not God. He was still so fucking calm that I wanted to punch him. Yet, what could I expect? Jerome had no attachment to humans, and at the end of the day, angels and demons werent so different.I buried my face in my hands. You cant change anything. None of us can change anything. Were resigned to our fates, just like Nyx showed.Humans change their fates all the time. Even lesser immortals do. It starts small, but it happens.I was suddenly tired. So, so tired. I shouldnt have come here today. I should never have left my bed. I no longer had the energy to argue with him or call forth hi s frustratingly useless attitude.Can Seth change? I asked at last. Are good intentions enough to redeem a soul?All things are possible. And I dont mean that as a clich?, he added, no doubt seeing the scowl on my face. Its true. Mortals and mortals-turned-immortals dont always believe that which is why Hell has such a foothold in the world. And Im not saying that if you believe it, it will happen. Things dont always turn out for the best, but miracles are real, Georgina. Youve just got to lift yourself out of the gunk to make them. Youve got to take the chance.Yes, I was definitely getting a cigarette after this. Carter probably had one on him. I gave him as much of a smile as I could muster. Easy for you to say. Can you make miracles?I try, he said. I try. Will you?And with that, he vanished before I could bum a cigarette.Fucking angels.But his words stayed with me when I went home that night, maybe because even as depressing as they seemed, they were still more cheerful than endu ring that shift. My managerial mandates were still obeyed, but otherwise, I could see the seething disapproval and condemnation in the eyes of my colleagues. It was a startling reminder of my villages reaction when everyone had undercoat out Id cheated on Kyriakos. Only this time, I had no way to blot it from these peoples minds. I had nothing more to bargain with Hell.At the condo, I found a pure tone from Roman, saying hed be staying at the school for a while that evening to finish up some setup. If I wanted, though, hed be happy to take me out for dinner as hed promised. That gave me time to stretch out on the couch, seeing as I was still exhausted from the emotional miasma Id been wading finished this last week. No sleep came, just a kind of bleak malaise as I stared at the ceiling. Probably just as well. God only knew what Id dream.Dream.I sighed. The man in the dream. It had been bugging me over and over in my subconscious, and without even mentioning it, Carter had somehow brought it back to the fore-front of my mind. The Oneroi had claimed Seth was the man in the dream. I told myself for the 100th time that it was a ridiculous fantasy. I couldnt have any real relationship with a mortal. Seth had fallen from grace, and Id refused him. It was all impossible now.All things are possible.Erik and Mei had said it was impossible for Seth to find my soul across the vastness of the dream world yet he had.Kristin had told me my contract was airtight yet Erik had sworn there was a flaw somewhere. Hed died for that knowledge, I was certain.Seth had claimed nothing could bring him back to Seattle yet I had.Everyone who worked for Hell had told me darkened souls almost never redeemed themselves yet Seth was striving to regain my good opinion. He was also sacrificing what he loved his writing to help the family he loved more. Would that be enough? Could he be saved?All things are possible.I sat up from the couch, my gaze falling on the spot where Aubrey and Godiva slept next to each other. Godiva had come to me after Id dreamed her. The dream I still maintained was impossible.Miracles are real, Georgina. Youve just got to lift yourself out of the muck to make them. Youve got to take the chance.Could I? Would I? Was there a miracle somewhere in the muck of this despair, heartache, death, and betrayal? I couldnt see through it. I didnt know where to start. Carter had said change happened through small acts. All I had to do was pick something. Anything. Take the chance.Again, I focused on Godiva. The man in the dream. Maybe it was Seth. Maybe it wasnt. Maybe I could make it him. His love had been great enough to rescue me and then try to rescue himself. I realized now what had been bothering me. He was doing all of this how could I do any less? All my life, Id hidden from hard choices. Id always found some compromise to avoid bad things, the results of which never really turned out that great. If anything, theyd become worse. My love fo r Seth was no less than his for me, but I hadnt been willing to do the things that might hurt.Hed told me there was no way the universe would let us stay apart. He was right and this time, I would be the one who made sure we came together again. I wouldnt abandon him.I was moving toward the door, my show up and purse in hand, when Roman came home, carrying flowers. He took one look at me and offered a small bitter laugh that carried all the woe and resignation in the world. The bouquet sagged in his hands.Youre going to Seth.How did you know?Becausebecause youre shining. Because you look like youve found all the answers in the universe.I dont know about that, I said. But Ive found some kind of answer. Hes risked so much for me. We found each other across all the other souls in the world. I trailed off, feeling horrible. My termination about Seth burned brightly in me, but Romans facethere seemed to be nothing in this world that didnt end up causation someone pain. I was wrong to abandon him. Especially now.Sounds like you better go to him, said Roman at last.Roman He shook his head. Go.I went.I hadnt been to Seths condo in so long, not in the flesh. Walking up to the door, a barrage of memories flooded me, particularly that first night Id stayed over when he had taken care of me.It wasnt that late, but when he opened the door, there was a scattered, mussed look to him that made me think hed been sleeping. Or maybe hed just been too consumed by writing to properly groom. It happened sometimes when he got caught up with the worlds in his mind.From the look on his face, it was clear he was in this world now. I dont think hed believed hed see me for a very long time. I wondered if I was still shining the way Roman had claimed I was because Seths eyes regarded me with more than just surprise. There was wonder and awe there. Id only driven across town, made one impulse decision to come here, but we might as well have been meeting across time and space again.Geo rgina, he breathed. What are you I didnt let him finish. I threw myself into his arms and kissed him.And this time, I didnt pull back.